making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
