"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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