Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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