direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
