why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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