mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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