Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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