Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
