If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize