My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found your dick twin last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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