he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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