I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
