If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
