Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
