he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
this hospital has no fireball
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
