I have demons in me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
