He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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