I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize