There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
