these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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