U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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