i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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