Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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