drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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