his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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