why didn't you poke me back
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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