i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
