remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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