We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
