I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
