I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
