hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
