and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
