Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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