RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
