you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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