I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize