So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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