Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
