I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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