he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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