i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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