carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
