This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
