He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
