pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize