i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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