I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
