she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
