Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
