He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
