ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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