Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
