those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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