i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
