I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
