I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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