so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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