guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
