i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
