come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
