Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
