just come out here and I will go home with you...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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