On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
