OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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